For the Love of Learning

Today marked the final day of fall semester of my senior year. Dear heart, who thought we would have made it this far. Who would have thought that that little freshman from three years ago, would be capable of learning so much? Yet here we are.

I remember that first fall semester. It was many days of crying in the morning and not wanting to get up to make the drive to campus and show up class one more time. Days when bed felt much safer than the real world. Many days of stressing over every grade, while learning to understand the flows of campus culture. I distinctly remember saying to myself after one rough morning "this needs to change; I can't take four more years of this."

And here I am.

Today I cried coming out of my last final exam for a totally different reason. But I couldn't help my eyes welling up as I left because I knew I wasn't going to open the door to that class ever again. I knew when I turned that handle I was leaving, for the last time, one of the best classes I've ever taken in my short four years here. And I rightfully shed tears for its passing.

But in the missing of good things passing on, I am reminded of gratitude. I can see just a bit more clearly now how far God has brought me in this college journey-- from that freshman girl saying I couldn't take one more day to the senior I am now, asking why it as to be all over too soon. I guess it is a good thing to meditate on passing things, for this world, this life truly is temporary. And in a way, that makes the gift all the more meaningful, that we are allowed to experience this short time here and be gifted with knowledge and memories.

The truth of it is, I never want to stop learning. And I know we're told, you never stop learning, it's life long, but there is a reality that changes. Because after college (with the exception of maybe grad school) I'm going to find myself in many fewer classrooms. And that's currently a harsh reality to accept because it seems to come with the lie that I'll no longer be learning or growing, and I still have so much learning and growing to do).

But bitterness sours memory, and it is much easier to give glory for these four years here, and for the coming semester. For while these days in the classrooms and walking campus will soon be over, I have been given an immense gift that so many do not have. Not only the gift of being able to attend college, but also that of being allowed to grow, and spread my own wings a little as I am stretched and pulled and sink my own roots down deeper into the unchanging things of faith.

How can two combinations of sound and breath possibly encapsulate all that I am experiencing. So, I ask you Father, take my tears as evidence of my wordless gratitude.

For everything

Thank you.